Posts by Linda Hunter:

2013 – My Toughest Resolutions List Yet

December 19th, 2012
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For decades, I have spent the final few weeks in December, reflecting and setting my intention for the New Year; writing down goals, looking for areas of improvement, projects to complete, countries to visit, and aspiring to change. I have written lists, made action plans, and set deadlines.

The good news is that I have met many of those goals, grown in so many ways, learned all sorts of skills and traveled to wonderful new places.  I have enjoyed all kinds of experiences, met some amazing people, and for the most part would consider my goal setting successful.  It’s a good feeling to accomplish, to achieve, and to grow; it suggests that your time has been well spent, not wasted.  After all……. an entire year has passed.

This year, however, I have decided to do things a little differently. As I traditionally do, I am reflecting on the year that is almost over; giving some thought to what I accomplished, what I learned, and what I am most grateful for.

And I have set my intention for 2013.

This year, however, instead of creating a list of what I am going to ‘do’, I am instead, writing a list of who I am going to ‘be’.

I have decided that what I really want to work on is not how I spend my time, but how I live my days, not on what I can get done, but on who I might become.

I am going to work on growth, personal growth, and as far as travel goes, I am going to concentrate on a different journey, one that can actually take me farther.  I am going to put my energy into ‘being’.

So, in 2013, I will endeavour to:

• Be aware –  of what’s going on around me, of other people’s pain, of a larger picture
• Be curious  – ask more questions, know a little deeper, lean in a little further
• Be kind – a little more gentle with myself and those around me
• Be true – with my thoughts, with my word, and with my work
• Be love – in everything I do and in everyone I am with
• Be clear –  about what I feel, what I mean, what I need, what I can offer, what I care about
• Be strong  – in my intention, in my deed, in my support of others, in my conviction
• Be courage – to take the step, say the words, do the ‘thing’ I am afraid to leave behind
• Be present  – in the moment, right now, listening, understanding, here and not anywhere  else
• Be vulnerable  – and know that I am safe
• Be accepting-  of what’s different, what’s scary, what’s new, what’s around the corner, what’s unknown
• Be respectful  – of time, wishes, feelings, differences and of each other
• Be compassion  –  for those who are in need, are sad, are hurt, are hungry, are dying
• Be confident – in the gifts I have been given and in the ways that I may share them
• Be generous  – with my time, with my spirit, with my ideas, with my gifts, with all I have
• Be honest –  because truth has meaning and strength
• Be grateful  – in everything, every day
• Be patient  – with myself and with others, knowing that I am already and always in the perfect moment
• Be of service – because in service we bring our best self
• Be open – to what is available, what is coming,  what is already here, what’s been planned without me
• Be grace , Be abundant, Be joyful  and  BELIEVE    

 

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It’s beginning to FEEL a lot like Christmas…

November 24th, 2012
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As the decorations go up and the commercials begin to air, I ask myself, how will our family celebrate this magical time?

The answer is as it has been for so many years –  we will spend our time together, and where we do give, we will give experiences rather than ‘gifts’; create shared memories for each other.  After all, what we love about the season is the FEELING that surrounds this time; love, friendship, connection, and support.  It’s a time when we see more good, offer more thanks, share more joy.

Ask anyone who celebrates it, about their favourite Christmas memory; it will rarely be the gift that they remember.  It will most often be about coming together, Christmas morning cinnamon buns, laughs with family, children’s excitement, ice skating, bright lights, holiday movies, visits from grandparents, singing carols, decorating the tree, and ‘goodness’. We don’t remember the ‘stuff’, because it doesn’t hold a place of importance in our memory or our hearts.  Sometimes, being present really is the present.

So, if this is true and most people feel this way, why do we still see such a focus on spending more money instead of spending more time, on checking off lists instead of checking in with spirit, on getting more done instead of getting more joy, on connecting with sales instead of connecting with selves, on loving the deals instead of loving each other?

What if instead of writing ‘to do’ and ‘to give’ lists, instead of worrying about finding more time and more money, instead of asking “what do you want for Christmas”,  we asked a different question, “What would LOVE do here?”What if we gave the FEELING of Christmas, in whatever form that comes.

Ask those you care about to share what it is they love about Christmas, their best holiday memories; how they want to feel and how you can GIVE them that feeling.  And, if it really is about the cookies from the oven, make some of your favourite holiday recipes, together.  If it’s about the snow, plan a Christmas lights walking route or strap on some snowshoes for a walk in the woods. If it’s about the sounds of the holiday, listen to a local choir, go the theatre, or sing some carols.  If it’s about the food, share some soup and some recipes.  If it’s about the warmth, chop them some firewood, or find a cozy knitted sweater.  If it’s about the tree, take everyone along with you and go pick out the perfect one together.  If it’s about giving back or paying it forward, ask them what contribution you can make in their name, who they would like you to help.   And, if you already do these things to celebrate the season, do you really need more?

This year, before you get caught up in the madness, in the momentum that is ‘shopping’ I encourage you to take a step back and to pause… and think about who you want to give to and why.  And in most cases, it won’t be what you thought; it will be something that matters more, something that makes a difference, to that one person or to many.  And won’t that turn out to be what Christmas is really all about anyway; GIVING and FEELING the LOVE.

So, this year when someone asks me what I want for Christmas, it will be the same thing I want every year…  I want the FEELING that the season brings, to share the rituals, the traditions, and the celebrations with family and friends.  This year for me, it’s about our son coming home after nearly a year away, it’s the other two kids taking a break from their studies to snowboard or hang out at the house, it’s my husband taking time off from working so hard, it’s my brother and hot cups of tea and good conversation, it’s leisurely reading by the fire, it’s a Christmas tree filled with ornaments that are filled with memories, it’s my mom feeling well and her fabulous mincemeat pies, it’s my newly arrived Swedish nephew learning about Canadian traditions, and it’s the memory of those who are gone but not forgotten.  It’s the FEELING and the SPIRIT of the season, and luckily, it is given freely and wrapped in LOVE♥

Wishing you a wonderful holiday season, however you choose to celebrate.

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JUDGEMENT DAY…. every day

November 7th, 2012
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♦his hair is too long ♦ that garden needs some work ♦ her makeup is on a bit thick ♦ those children need to be quieter ♦ her skirt is too short ♦ that baby should have been dressed more warmly ♦ that lawn needs mowing ♦they paid too much money for that car ♦ I would never shop there ♦ I wouldn’t live in this neighbourhood ♦ they are not eating very healthy food ♦ it’s too late for those children to be outside ♦ that should not be in a child’s lunchbox ♦ that outfit is out of style ♦ she should lose some weight ♦ he could use a little exercise ♦ I would never behave that way ♦ she talks too much ♦ they are too strict with their children ♦that plant needs to be watered ♦ those children are out of control ♦ he doesn’t work hard enough ♦ that colour doesn’t look good ♦ she sure doesn’t need to be eating ice cream ♦he doesn’t earn enough money ♦ she is not very attractive ♦ what a terrible actor ♦ he’s not good at his job ♦ they are always late for dinner♦

Do you recognize yourself here? Have you thought or said anything like this recently……today?

I am surprised at how often in just a single day, we find ourselves sitting in judgement of others; others that we don’t even know. We judge our family, our friends, the stranger at the bank, on the street, in the grocery line.

What is it in us that allows us to feel that it is our place to even comment, that we are somehow in a position to pass judgement. And, why is it that by judging others, in some small way, we feel better about ourselves; justified in our own skin. How can diminishing someone else help us feel more adequate about ourselves? If we believe that we are all truly equal, that we are not above anyone else, then what makes us qualified or entitled to criticize or judge?

I believe that some of it comes from fear and insecurity and most of it comes from ego. And none of it comes from a place of love.

We teach our children that it’s wrong, and yet we begin each day with our own judgement. We start out by judging ourselves; we second guess our outfits, we criticize our children’s breakfast choice, we think twice about how prepared we are for work; we doubt our capabilities. And then just when we feel confident enough to walk out the door, or into the meeting, or to face the crowd, we enter into a world of judgement.

Eckhart Tolle (author of The Power of Now, and A New Earth) in response to someone asking about being judgemental shared his wisdom “You are not a judgmental person. Your mind does what it has been conditioned to do, that’s all. The most important thing is that you are already aware of what your mind is doing. A truly judgmental person is someone who doesn’t know he/she is judgmental. They are so identified with their mind that they completely believe in every thought (judgment) that comes into their head.

AWARENESS is the key. Most judgmental thoughts are of a negative kind, of course. So notice as much as you can your negative thoughts (about other people, individuals or groups, yourself, a place, a situation you find yourself in, something that is happening but “shouldn’t” etc.) Notice the mind’s tendency to find fault with people and situations, to complain, to pronounce righteous judgment.

Gradually, the dimension of awareness will grow and those mental habits will weaken. Negativity is a dreadful burden to live with. It tends to be reflected back to you through negative situations and people and prevents your life from unfolding with ease. But don’t try to suppress your judgments. Have compassion with your mind. A judgment is harmless if you immediately recognize it as such and don’t completely believe in it anymore. Then, gradually, awareness dissolves the judgmental mind. Yes, it is possible to live without judgment. Becoming friendly with the present moment is the key.”

I think we need to start checking our ego at the door, to start leaning into a more compassionate way of seeing and being in the world. Everyone has a story and perhaps if we spent more time listening and loving, we would hear and appreciate more, becoming more present as Eckhart suggests.

So here’s a challenge for you for tomorrow.

Start your day at home without judgement; by not judging yourself, your children, your partner, your mother. And then once outside in the world, see how long you can go without becoming critical, cynical, and judging others, thinking you are somehow a little better, smarter, thinner, luckier, …start to look at people for who they really are, unique individuals, just like you. Think about becoming more compassionate with yourself and others and see how that might fit into a situation or circumstance, how it might change the lens through which you look at your world, and at others.

We are all ENOUGH. Let’s start honouring each other, celebrating our unique and amazing differences instead of pointing them out or trying to change them. Perhaps then our children will start their day with an open heart instead of a narrow mind.

**These two books are recommended by me and Eckhart Tolle – A Thousand Names for Joy: Living in Harmony with the Way Things Are, by Byron Katie and The Voice of Knowledge by Don Miguel Ruiz.

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GRATEFUL when it’s not so GREAT

October 1st, 2012
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It’s easy to be grateful; when there is money in the bank, the family is healthy, there is food on the table, the sun is shining, the flowers are blooming, the shower water stays hot, and the kids are enjoying school. It can however be a much harder concept to lean into when things are not going so well; when someone you love is dying, the world you know is changing and there is going to be a new normal, one that you can’t quite get your head around or accept. This is precisely the time to get grateful, to recognize the gift in the lesson, and to find the space to give thanks… once you have finished crying that is.

In 1998, having lived on beautiful Vancouver Island less than three years, we got the call; you know the kind of call we all dread.  My mother-in-law, Margaret, had broken her arm, and they had found a tumour and were going to need to operate; it looked like cancer.  Still reeling from having just lost my father-in-law to cancer, a few months before, this was a shock we felt unprepared to handle.  We quickly went from disbelief, into action mode.  We bought the plane tickets, told the children we were going to visit Grandma for two weeks, paid the bills, took vacation time from work, and prepared for the cross country journey to Toronto.  We wore brave faces and made silent deals with whoever was listening.

We arrived to hugs and kisses, and tears.  We made plans to bring Margaret to the Island, to the beautiful healing West Coast,  where she could recover from her grief, and her illness, and continue on the road to wellness.  Our solution was short lived.

Following the surgery, we met with the doctors to discuss Margaret’s prognosis and our idea for West Coast recovery. We heard words such as secondary and primary cancer and then the word ‘terminal’, and we sat quiet, and cried and watched our hopes for healing drift out the open window into an afternoon filled with sunshine, from a room filled with nothing but darkness.

Then we did what we have so often done when facing a life decision, we made a cup of tea and asked ourselves, “What would love do here?” and as always, the answer came immediately; we had to stay, until the end, and help Margaret die.   What now seems like a blur became a flurry of activity, as we set about making our decision happen. We knew it would be difficult – for us, for our children, for my parents living back in our shared house on the Island.  We knew we could lose our jobs, run out of money, and that our children  would need to go to school in a town they barely recognized with children they didn’t know.  But we also knew that we had  love and a strong family on our side and that whatever we were facing could never be as dark as what Margaret was facing, her own end.  What we didn’t yet know was that the next seven months would bring us the most amazing gifts, that we would become less fearful  and more grateful as time went on, and that the lessons would stay with us forever.

As the days  drew in, and we lived our new normal, feelings of gratitude began to grow. Of  course, there were still many tears, but there was also laughter and joy and  smiles along the way, birthday parties, school field trips, family holiday dinners;  the stuff of life. There was tremendous support from new and old friends, and people  rallied to provide.  In the most unlikely  places, we found courage we  lacked, strength we needed, and love, in every  place we looked. We found grace, and more and more, we moved from a place of deep sadness to a place of acceptance, to a place of grace and of thanks. Over a  seven month period, it seemed as though every one and every thing conspired to  help us, to make it easier, to assist us in our journey.  We didn’t get what we wanted, but we were  surrounded with what we needed:

• Our employers out west held our jobs, indefinitely
• Margaret advanced our inheritance so we could pay our mortgage and our bills back home and continue to live in Ontario
• My sister-in-law made room for her mother which meant our family of five could live in Margaret’s house.
• We packed up her household things and sold her house while Margaret concentrated on her health
• My sister-in-law owned a swimming pool – I swam every day after our hospital visits
• The nurses in the Chemotherapy ward allowed me to stay with Margaret all day; I did some typing and filing, played guitar and sang to patients, took lunch orders, read books, delivered milkshakes and fries, and interviewed people about their life’s story and what really matters.
• The local School Board made an exception that allowed all three children to attend the same school and meant our twin boys could stay together in the same kindergarten class.
• We spent time with our two baby nieces and got to know them up close and personal
• Old friends brought bikes, skateboards, summer clothes, toys, books and games to our young children (aged 5, 5, and 9), so they would feel more at home.
• Three amazing women took care of our children after school on the days when Chemo didn’t go so well  – our daughter is still in touch with these angels and their families
• The hospital staff made us feel welcome, and brought us a cot when we needed to stay the night
• We had time to say the important things, and let of go of the less important things
• Our children learned about love, duty, commitment, family, life, death, fear and compassion and grew stronger hearts
• We  came home with no regrets and some amazing memories

So, as we all move forward these many years  later, to prepare for another Thanksgiving weekend without my husband’s mum or dad, we give thanks; for the opportunity to spend that final year with Margaret, for the family that not only stood by us but put their arms around us and surrounded us with love, and for the lessons and gifts along the way that won’t be forgotten and that continue to remind us of what is truly important…our time here together, for however long it lasts.

Happy THANKS GIVING

Gratitude Video

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A Day Well Spent

July 12th, 2012
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My mother  Grace is in her 83^rd year and it would be completely understandable and deserved, if at this age, she chose to spend her days relaxing, napping, or reading for hours.  And, while she does spend some time doing all three, much of her time is spent truly ‘living’; a rich life filled with family, friends, daily activities and evening social events, and opportunities to learn something new.

In the past few weeks, she has:

• Taken a lesson in self massage, played Chinese Mahjong, cleared out closets for charity
• Collected the tickets at the local cinema, read books, and watched TV
• Run errands, grocery shopped, banked, and attended a 50^th and a 90^th birthday party
• Had her monthly massage, line danced, bought some new clothes
• Cut her hair, paid her bills, washed some dishes, spent time at the library
• Said hello to a new baby at her Dedication and said goodbye at three funerals
• Baked her famous scones, written cards, read emails, and sipped coffee with friends
• Enjoyed a reflexology treatment, made dessert, and worked in the garden
• Played with her seven year old granddaughter and Skyped her grandsons in Sweden
• Made us laugh, told us stories and shared her wisdom

My mother has been doing what she has always done; making the very best of every day. She is under no illusions; she recognizes we are all here for a limited time.  She doesn’t take life for granted: she cashes in her reward points right away, buys only ripe bananas, doesn’t waste time, and
says yes more often than no.  She is all about the quality of time spent, not the number of years present.

I have been sharing my heart with Grace for over 51 years and a home for more than 17 and I feel lucky to have learned so many lessons.
When I come to the end and look back, I hope, like Grace, that I too will be able to say “this has been a day well spent and a life well lived.”  

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Finding True NORTH

May 6th, 2012
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What if instead of raising children, we raised them UP – to the light, to stand up and face forward

What if instead of feeling honoured to have them, we felt honoured that they chose us

What if we considered them a gift and a privilege and took our place in line, humbled by their presence

What if instead of looking for ‘teachable’ moments for them, we instead looked for ‘learnable’ moments for us

What if rather than being in charge, we took charge of the best way to help THEM make THEIR own way

What if we were always moving in the same direction, FORWARD, and found a way to travel together

What if we changed the ‘b’ to a ‘y’ and considered it a joy instead of a job

What if we worried more about feeding their spirit and less about what they ate for dinner

What if we could give them what they need so they already had what they want

What if LOVE really is the answer and we have been asking the wrong questions

What if we got out of their way so they could show us what their way looks like

What if we gave them a place to shine instead of standing on their shadow

What if we listened first and then talked

What if we discovered that we’ve been wrong all along…. they didn’t come to us so we could raise them, we came to them, so they could raise us.

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Did you hear something…

March 27th, 2012
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Recently, while out walking with my husband, we encountered a friend heading in our direction.  He stopped to talk, first taking out his ear buds, and then moments later having finished our chat, resumed his walk, ear buds firmly reinstated.

I couldn’t help thinking that while he was probably listening to some great tunes; he was missing out on a whole other song that was playing
that fine morning.

• A cat meowing in the laneway
• Young road hockey players yelling ‘car’
• A neighbour calling out hello to another neighbour
• One baby giggling in a stroller
• Another  baby crying in a stroller
• A mother’s reassuring voice to her twins
• The car horn as one driver acknowledged another’s mistake
• The beeping sound the stoplight made when it was our turn to cross
• A little boy asking his mom if he could play at the park
• The songbirds in the trees above
• A passenger shouting out his thanks to the driver for holding the bus
• The rattle of the chains on the park swings
• The sound a seagull made overhead
• The soft rustle of the wind through the trees
• The sound of laughter coming from the daycare windows
• The senior thanking the teen for holding the bank doors open
• The swinging sound of a metal ‘for sale’ sign
• The whistling of another passerby
• The rolling wheels  of a senior’s walker
• The waves crashing against the boardwalk
• The jingling of change in our pockets
• A puppy’s bark at the sight of a squirrel
• The sounds our footsteps made on the gravel path
• The grocery service driver ringing a doorbell
• The sound of gratitude for a beautiful morning’s walk

 

 

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To Have and To Hold…

February 13th, 2012
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On a recent anniversary trip, my husband and I reflected on our 30 years of marriage and why we were still enjoying friendship and love.  Having been only 19 and 20 when we wed, our chances of reaching 50 and still being together and happy, were slim.

At 13 ½ years old, I had looked at the Scottish boy visiting next door as a wonderful easy summer boyfriend.  And,  while I didn’t understand much of what he said through that thick Scottish brogue, I understood cute and different and I enjoyed every minute together, vowing at the end of our month together, to stay in touch and to someday visit him in Scotland.

A year later, having saved all of my babysitting money, I boarded a plane bound for Scotland to spend a month with a young man I hardly knew and a family I had never met.  Looking back, I have only gratitude for the parents who had confidence in me, who believed in friendship and young love and who knew that life experience is the best teacher of all. Three years on, the changing Scottish industrial landscape meant a decision to immigrate to Canada and my long distance romance landed right in front of me on a Boeing 747.

My high school years were a challenging time, and adding in a 16 yr old transplanted homesick Scot, one who had already completed high school and was an apprentice mechanic years ahead of his Canadian peers, made it tougher. But by 19, both of us were in College and still in love, so it seemed an easy decision to marry young. Who could have known that a friendship begun at 13 would form the basis for a longtime love, one we would celebrate 30 years later.

Those years passed quickly with careers underway, two inter- provincial moves, three children, caring and grieving for dying parents, friendships, birthdays, graduations, and family holidays -the stuff of marriage and of life. And while not everyone who had wished us well at our 1980 summer wedding was convinced, we hoped we understood what it might take to keep it long and loving. And at 19 we couldn’t see why it wouldn’t.

So under a glorious blue sky and beside an aqua marine ocean in Fiji, I asked my husband what he thought was holding us together and more importantly what had kept us happy all these years.  For those who are interested, here are a few of those thoughts….

♥    WHEN MAKING IMPORTANT DECISIONS, we listen to each other, really listen and when it’s time to decide, whoever wants it more than the other person doesn’t want it, wins.  It’s never spoken about again and we each support the winning decision fully.

♥    EITHER, SAY IT OUT LOUD or DON’T SAY IT.  Think what you like but only say it if it is said out of love or will benefit the other person. And never share something to unburden yourself; some knowledge you just have to live with. We taught our children “if you can’t say it on a billboard, don’t say it out loud”.  Honesty is not always the best policy and some things really are better left unsaid. The answer to ‘do I look fat in this?” is always NO and the answer to “am I looking more bald?” is always NO.

♥    LOVING SOMEONE IS EASIER THAN LIVING WITH THEM.  Most people are easy to love, not so easy to live with, so we each started out with 5 rules that the other person had to honour.  Since there are only 5, we chose wisely and we chose deal breakers.  My husband’s “you can’t bring up the past”, meant that the argument about too much golf on Sunday, once resolved, was never mentioned again. And we compromised on everything else – there will always be things that annoy you, put them into perspective because small things can eat away at love, little by little if left to grow.

♥    MARRY YOUR FRIEND was the advice my mother gave me at 19.  She said to be sure that we had a strong friendship because once the passion started to fade; the friendship would keep us going.

♥    IT’S NOBODY’S BUSINESS. In our toughest and saddest times, we shared little with our friends or family, at least nothing we considered private and we didn’t ask others for advice.  We shared mostly with each other, and professionals when needed.  And while that famous saying “a trouble aired is a trouble shared” might work for some, we chose each other because friends can end up taking sides and family members can find it too hard to forget and move on long after you already have.

♥    TAKE YOUR TIME – IT’S ABOUT INTENT. Better to sit with things a while and not rush into saying or doing things you will regret later on.  We look at intent – if something is said in the heat of the moment or in anger, know that it can be forgiven.  If you can forgive, you can move on.

♥   CREATE RITUALS, CELEBRATE moments and share experiences; open up your home and your table to friends and to strangers.  There has often been a party in the works – birthdays on the beach, picnics in the park, graduation parties, and bon voyages. It is a short and ordinary life; we try to add some ‘special to it.

♥   IT’S A PARTNERSHIP.  Believe and trust in each other, respect each other and remember how important this person is to you. You are a team, a partnership – spend your time trying to make the other person happy and if they do the same, you can’t help but be happy.

♥    TIME FLIES, so don’t put off anything; you have no way of knowing how much time you will have together- go on vacations, say yes more often than no, accept invitations, share your time together.  You will wake up one day and ask yourself where the 30 years went, so make sure you have made enough memories to be able to answer the question.

♥    KEEP GROWING. Grow alongside each other or grow independently, but keep growing and learning and loving and don’t hold each other back.

♥    RAISE INDEPENDENT CHILDREN, so you can move on when they do.

♥    BE GRATEFUL – Love IS the answer, so when you find it, know its value and hold on tight, it’s one amazing ride!

 

 

 

 

 

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What I LEARNED & RECONFIRMED in 2011

December 31st, 2011
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Upon reflection, here is what 2011 taught me and what I know to be true:

♥   That a sense of order and peace really can reside on the inside regardless of what’s happening on the outside

♥   That adversity is a gift and that although we can’t always see it at the time, if we really look & listen, the gift will reveal itself – every single time

♥   That our three children really are the very best thing that has ever happened to me

♥   That sharing our home with another generation has offered us wisdom and love beyond what we could have hoped for

♥   That life is ‘simple’ and we complicate it , not the other way around

♥   That ageing is something to be grateful for, because the alternative is to not grow old

♥   That an ending need not be sad, it’s the only way to begin something new

♥   That it is easier to make a decision once now, than to have to keep making it over and over again later (thanks Caleigh)

♥   That being in touch with ourselves is more important that being in touch with others

♥   That our children are on loan to us for a very short time, and  letting go IS our job

♥   That where you live really is your home, if you let your heart know it

♥   That today is the tomorrow you worried about and tomorrow is the today you might never have, so live in THIS moment, the only one you know you have for sure

♥   That there is no right or fair age to die – we need to live fully NOW

♥   That the world and people are inherently GOOD and as Barry Neil Kaufmann said “the way we choose to see the world, creates the world we see”.  I choose to see goodness & abundance.

♥   That LOVE really is the ANSWER

♥   That sharing food is about much more than the food

♥   That we are all ENOUGH

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Christmas presents – it’s a spelling mistake

December 10th, 2011
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At this time of year, people can be overheard asking others what present they would like for Christmas.  I think there’s been a mistake, a simple spelling mistake.  I think the word is ‘presence’ not ‘presents’.  I think what we need to do is get ‘present’ and give the gift of time.

I have never understood the need to do so much at this time of year and to tire yourself to the point that you wish the holiday season was over. What if this time of year was instead about slowing down, and reflecting; about savouring what was wonderful this year, and surrendering what wasn’t so welcome.  What if we offered up compassion and friendship to those who are suffering, who are ill, who are lonely, who are sad.  And then what if we looked forward  with fresh eyes and an open heart and a dream for better days.

Ask anyone about their favourite Christmas memory and few will talk about the pace or even the gifts they received. Many will say, the wonder of their children’s faces, sitting by the tree, writing cards by the fire, sharing laughs with friends, baking holiday treats, checking out the neighbourhood lights, walking in fresh snow, crisp cold mornings, cooking, and eating, greeting arriving visitors at the airport, watching holiday movies….

Few will say, rushing around, spending more, sleeping less, figuring out what to buy, trying to find a parking spot….

My memories of my father who is not here at Christmas, are not of what he bought for me, but of putting up the multi coloured house lights, the skating rink in the backyard, cutting down the tree, reading a Child’s Christmas in Wales, and dressing up for his corporate Children’s Christmas party.  I remember his presence, not his presents.

So, fix the spelling and make a few changes; slow down a little, breath, have lunch with someone you love, take the joy and spirit of the season to heart and you will be well on your way to what matters most.

And for those of you, who say there is just not enough time, Miriam Weinstein, who wrote The Surprising Power of Family Meals, reminds us ‘time is the one thing we do have, no matter how rich or how poor, no matter our circumstances.  Time is how we measure our lives, it is the gift we give others and ourselves.  We short change ourselves and those we love by our insistence that we have too many things to do. And so we don’t allow ourselves to do the things we can”.   

Make a few changes this year and you may only have to return one thing – the love and friendship that comes your way.

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