Posts by Linda Hunter:

Don’t Ask Me How I Am Doing…

November 9th, 2014
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unless you really want to know, have the time to listen, care about what’s going on for me.  We have become a fast talking, fast walking people, who rarely look each other in the eye as we ask the question or find the moment to hear the answer.

Asking someone how they are doing, how they are feeling, what’s going on for them is an important and personal question and most of us just answer “fine thanks” because we are either in the same hurried state or we know they are not really listening.   We call it ‘just making conversation’, even though we rarely actually have one.   What would you do if someone told you they were suffering, were hungry, had lost their pet, had lost their job, were lost themselves? Would it stop you in your tracks, would you even hear them, or would you already be so far away from them, you miss their response.  Could you stop what you were doing, be a little later for where you are going, could you stand or sit with them and look them in the eyes, take the time to hear them, and offer them an ear, some compassion. Could you make that moment about ‘them’ and not about ‘you’, could you pull yourself away from your business, your to do list, your quick pace, your distracted self, long enough to lean into someone else’s humanity, possibly someone you don’t know well. Would you take the time to get to know them, to make a human connection? After all, isn’t that what that question is intended to do?

I recall, years ago, when I worked in Toronto, our corporation implemented a new strategy intended to bring the management down to the people, to make more of a connection with staff.  Every morning for a few weeks, one of the vice presidents, walked the floors asking the staff ‘”how are you doing?”  And as an experiment, I offered up an array of answers.  They included “my cat died (I didn’t have a cat), my car broke down on the way here today, my husband left me this weekend, my mother is very ill, and I am not loving this job.  Not once, did he stop or even take a step back or a second look around at me as he passed through our department.  He wasn’t listening and didn’t honestly care about me or my situation, and while I knew it was just part of the latest strategy imposed on him by a consultant’s suggestions, imagine how it would have turned out, had he stopped long enough for the answer, or truly been interested in the exercise.  He could have become connected in a way he had never been before and built relationships with those who helped make a difference every day in a workplace where he spent most of his waking hours; what a missed opportunity; for him and for us.

We are all missing an opportunity; to connect not only to other humans but to our own humanity when we fail to engage in a meaningful way with those who share our space, our streets, our community, our planet.  We are not just here to get things done, we are here to ‘get each other’, to find meaning in being together and to help light each other’s way.

We are here to be fully present, to be ‘aware’, in the moment; grounded in the space we are standing, aware of what and who is among us, and to connect with one another in a meaningful way.  What is the point if you spend all your time ‘doing’ and no time ‘being’ with your tribe, which by the way, is every one of us.

Author, Don Miguel Ruiz asks us to be “impeccable with our word” and to have integrity and meaning in what we say.  So you have a choice; either ask the question and be prepared to listen, or simply walk by and share a smile.   Either one is appropriate, as long as it’s authentic.

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On The Way To IAK

April 13th, 2014
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I believe everything happens in the perfect moment, even when it’s not so perfect.  I work hard at being ‘present’ and living in the ‘now’; not much of what I do would be considered ‘random’. As a planner by nature and by trade, I make arrangements, create ‘to do’ lists, book calendar appointments, consult budgets, and organize travel plans.  And while I often know what’s ahead, I embrace spontaneity, love to go with the flow and am open to change; I come from a place of trust.  I set my intention daily and while the idea of ‘random acts of kindness’ is a lovely thought, it doesn’t make much sense to me, the ‘random’ part I mean.

The word ‘random’, is defined as “made, done, happening, or chosen without method or conscious decision, haphazard, accidental, or by chance.” Based on that definition, random acts of kindness would be done without much  consideration, no real forethought, more like an afterthought, on a whim, by chance or happenstance,  not planned or guided, blind by design.  They would be done when we had more time, extra money, added patience, increased energy.

So my question is what if they weren’t so random?  What if they were in fact planned, designed, Intended Acts of Kindness?   What if we knew exactly what we were doing when we included them on our ‘to do’ list, in our plans; if they were something we did on an ongoing basis.  What if we intentionally put money aside to give away, had a small envelope in our car, were prepared for the moment.   We could be at the ready, ready to celebrate a great service, to honour a busker, buy someone a sandwich, provide a charitable gift.   It could be part of an ordinary, not so extraordinary day, part of  a master plan, rather than an add on when you can, and giving would be simple, routine, nothing special, nothing extra, requiring little or no effort.  We could budget for it, give time and energy to it, we could provide for providing, with consideration, with intent, on purpose.

When grocery shopping, we could buy extra for the food bank or the teen on the corner.  We could mow our lawn and intentionally cross the line, and mow the next lawn too. We could walk beside a friend who is walking alone, walk in someone else’s shoes, offer shoes so someone else can walk, or walk for someone who no longer can.  We could buy coffee for the next person, buy flowers for an unknown person, give our spot in line to a tired person, give our gloves to a colder person.  We could grow an extra garden row, double the recipe and feed someone else, leave our recyclables out for someone to turn in, leave a book on a bench, walk a dog for someone who can’t, offer our seat when someone else won’t, offer love when it’s all we have.

What if we all had a simple shift in focus, if it was no longer by accident, unintentional, unplanned or random?  We could lean in another direction, concentrate on kindness, act on purpose, with intent, with arms wide open.  We could put it on our calendar, in our budget, and on our ‘to do’ list. And it could be a consistent, ongoing, regular, and ordinary part of our day, our week, and our life.

 

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Older and Wiser

June 17th, 2013
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Being older doesn’t automatically make you wiser, or smarter, or give you more credibility.   Being bigger, a grown up, doesn’t make you right.  Just take a look at some of the people in charge, and then take a look at some of the people who put them in charge.  Kids didn’t do that.

“Because I said so” is not an answer or an explanation, it’s something a bully says.  Pulling your child along the street, holding their hand in yours, doesn’t mean you are heading in the same direction, or the right direction.

When your child is trying to tell you something, listen, really listen. Get down on your knees, look into their eyes, open your ears, turn off the rest of the world, and listen.  They have something important to say.  Be reverent, make it important to you.

Give them more credit, or some credit, or any credit.  They have not been here as long, you’re right, so they may not know as much.  But, they have not been here as long, so they are not bogged down, cynical, looking for a way out, tired, jaded, worn down, fed up, running out of time, afraid to take a risk, conceited, ego driven, scared, arrogant or unforgiving.

What have you to got to lose?  Listen up people, they understand more than you think, know more than you realize, believe more often, see more without proof, judge less, remain open longer.

And while I still believe that our elders have much to teach, I am just as convinced that those who are younger also have much to say that is worth hearing.  The next time a young one tugs on your shirt, yells your name, shouts something out, texts, emails, or whispers, lean in and have a listen, you might just learn something.

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Sharing our HOMES and our HEARTS

June 4th, 2013
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As published in Senior Living Magazine, February 2013

When I first told others we were all moving in together, the most common refrain was “It might work for you, but there is no way I could live with my mom.” And while I understood others’ reluctance, it was a dream to raise our three small children (three, three and seven, at the time) with their grandparents (65 and 71) on Vancouver Island.

In 1995, our budget offered us a three-bedroom, 1,800-square-foot raised bungalow on a quiet neighbourhood cul-de-sac. I could only imagine the flow of wisdom upwards from their apartment, and the flow of energy downwards from our small but busy quarters.

Having lived 3,000 miles away from my parents since their move to Vancouver Island in 1979, moving in together 16 years later meant making a plan. Our first challenge was to express our hopes and fears, and set some guidelines and boundaries around sharing a house.

While my father was somewhat reluctant, we all wanted it to work; after all, we may be looking ahead at possibly 20 years. We went in with our eyes wide open knowing it may mean a steep learning curve. We also knew we would always be family, success or failure, and we all wanted success.  What we had going for us was a solid marriage, a strong family bond, and a sense of adventure.

So, we started with long conversations over cups of tea. We talked about the inevitable noise of three small ones overhead, about coming and going. With a “not-so-open-door” policy, our kids would be welcome downstairs, but knocking was mandatory. After all, this was their grandparents’ home.

The kids were taught to be respectful of their older “neighbours,” and were encouraged to ask questions and to learn from their Nana and Pop’s stories. They had a lot of wisdom, not to mention countless war memories, books of every kind, great recipes, ideas for school projects, a strong work ethic, and the traditional “walking to school for miles uphill with no shoes” tales – our kids felt lucky.

In those earlier days, it was definitely more challenging. Our home had been split in two, so we all learned to live with two front doors and much less space. Our growing family shared bedrooms, one bathroom and learned to be patient and cooperate. My parents shared a small apartment suite and learned to drown out the noise from above, and the “always-on” washing machine.

One day, in early elementary school, our son was asked to draw his “immediate family” in his journal, where he promptly scribbled in seven smiling faces, all holding hands. While his teacher worked hard to explain the concept of “extended family,” our son’s response was instantaneous: “If they are in my heart and in my house, they are in my immediate family.” We knew then we had done the right thing.

With different generations, comes differing points of view – from raising children, to what the garden should include – so while we did lay some initial ground rules, it has always been a loving work in progress.

As the children have grown and my parents have aged, our needs have changed and we continue to adapt to new challenges. With time’s passing and children leaving home, our house has become a quieter place.

My father passed away in this house, and my mother now needs more help. We all walk a little slower after dinner; try to have more patience with each other; spend more time with doctors; and less time on shared vacations.

When I asked the family what was best about sharing our house, everyone has similar answers, but the resounding sentiment is that we have been most lucky to enjoy the “every day and ordinary” times together. Lots of life moments need to be shared right away; the tooth that just fell out; a part in the school play; getting your driving license; the A on a report card; and photos from a weekend camping trip.

And sharing our dinner table and our vacations has created memories, lots of meaningful conversation, stories and laughter. The energy and “life” in the house kept my parents young, and their sense of responsibility, work ethic and confidence along with a willingness to grow old with grace, inspired our children and gave them a sense of what aging and senior living is all about.

It has also meant being right there in the most difficult times, which, when shared, were hopefully halved; family heartaches and illness; watching my parents lose friends and family; and sharing my Dad’s leukemia diagnosis. His living and dying in our house was a gift, and our children are forever reminded of his presence here.

And for me, I have enjoyed a wonderful time filled with shared wisdom and laughter, a life that could not have been the same, even with parents living only a few streets away. They were, and my mom still is, part of my life in every way possible.

Now, it is our 20-year-old sons who drive my 83-year-old mom home and carry in her groceries, and our 24-year-old daughter who joins her at the movies. I am available for doctor visits and close by to help with recovery from surgeries, and Mom’s scones are still the best smell in this house.

Our lives are so much richer for having had my mom and dad up close and personal, in a house that still remembers my dad’s corny jokes and his bad sense of dress, and the joy that continues with a mom who is alive and vibrant. For this family of many more than five, we wouldn’t have had it any other way.

When friends who are considering “moving in” ask, I am quick to share this advice:

* Create separate entrances for each family;

* Soundproof between floors if you have the opportunity – they won’t hear the loud music playing and you won’t hear the loud snoring;

* Create separate laundry facilities for each family;

* Have the hard conversations and set guidelines, be honest but loving;

* Keep the conversation flowing, be open with communication, silence can breed resentment;

* Be willing to change the rules as the family grows, people age, and needs change;

* Mind your own business, not everything needs to be shared;

And finally…

* Hold on to your sense of humour, you are going to need it!

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Making Every Marble COUNT~ Finding Gratitude in Grief

June 4th, 2013
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As published in Island Gals Magazine, 2013

A glance into the corner of my living room reveals marbles, about 1480 marbles to be exact.  They fill almost half of a tall glass cylinder and are meant to represent approximately how many weeks I may have left, if I live to 81 years old, the average age for a Canadian woman.  To some this might seem depressing or daunting, but for me, this very visual reminder serves me well. It encourages me to take care with each week, to live it wisely, to spend it carefully, and to cherish every marble.

In 2004, in our ninth year together sharing a home and having celebrated his 80^th birthday, my father was given a ‘terminal’ leukemia diagnosis. The specialist’s visit revealed that there was little to be done, and that he might live another year – 52 marbles. For my father, whose dream it was to live to 100, it must have been devastating news, yet he remained quiet and calm. He thanked the doctor for her time and returned to work the next day for another full shift as a fairways cutter at the local golf course. He told me he planned to continue to live and then to die at home, surrounded by family.  And he did just that, he ‘lived’ and shared his ordinary life for another 11 months and then passed away in peace and with grace, at home with his family.

The year we spent with my almost 60 year old mother-in-law, helping her die at home in Ontario, was a beautiful and grace filled seven months.  Her 30 marbles and mine were spent mostly with hospital visits, chemotherapy clinics, in bed and in pain, and without complaint.  She too, made a conscious decision to die the way she lived, with a sense of humour, quietly and unassuming, grateful though weary, and loving to those who cared for her.

For me, living with dying was a gift and a blessing.  I felt honoured to be a part of such a personal and meaningful time, the end of time.  I felt so lucky to have known them both and grateful to have been asked to share in the gift of spending their final days in such good company.  What I learned during those difficult times I have kept close.  I lean into the memory of those lessons when I need to, and I use them to help me ‘live’ and to remind me of what matters most: that time is truly fleeting, that most of us will enjoy less than 100 years, that family, love, support, friendship, and care are what sustains us, and that we are all here to be of service, to everyone and especially to those who need us, who want us, and who deserve us.  At some point, we all need to be held up, to receive an outstretched hand, and to be available for someone else.  My hope is that when you are called, you feel as fortunate as I do, to have participated in the lives and the deaths of those I held dear; worth every marble indeed!

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2013 – My Toughest Resolutions List Yet

December 19th, 2012
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For decades, I have spent the final few weeks in December, reflecting and setting my intention for the New Year; writing down goals, looking for areas of improvement, projects to complete, countries to visit, and aspiring to change. I have written lists, made action plans, and set deadlines.

The good news is that I have met many of those goals, grown in so many ways, learned all sorts of skills and traveled to wonderful new places.  I have enjoyed all kinds of experiences, met some amazing people, and for the most part would consider my goal setting successful.  It’s a good feeling to accomplish, to achieve, and to grow; it suggests that your time has been well spent, not wasted.  After all……. an entire year has passed.

This year, however, I have decided to do things a little differently. As I traditionally do, I am reflecting on the year that is almost over; giving some thought to what I accomplished, what I learned, and what I am most grateful for.

And I have set my intention for 2013.

This year, however, instead of creating a list of what I am going to ‘do’, I am instead, writing a list of who I am going to ‘be’.

I have decided that what I really want to work on is not how I spend my time, but how I live my days, not on what I can get done, but on who I might become.

I am going to work on growth, personal growth, and as far as travel goes, I am going to concentrate on a different journey, one that can actually take me farther.  I am going to put my energy into ‘being’.

So, in 2013, I will endeavour to:

• Be aware –  of what’s going on around me, of other people’s pain, of a larger picture
• Be curious  – ask more questions, know a little deeper, lean in a little further
• Be kind – a little more gentle with myself and those around me
• Be true – with my thoughts, with my word, and with my work
• Be love – in everything I do and in everyone I am with
• Be clear –  about what I feel, what I mean, what I need, what I can offer, what I care about
• Be strong  – in my intention, in my deed, in my support of others, in my conviction
• Be courage – to take the step, say the words, do the ‘thing’ I am afraid to leave behind
• Be present  – in the moment, right now, listening, understanding, here and not anywhere  else
• Be vulnerable  – and know that I am safe
• Be accepting-  of what’s different, what’s scary, what’s new, what’s around the corner, what’s unknown
• Be respectful  – of time, wishes, feelings, differences and of each other
• Be compassion  –  for those who are in need, are sad, are hurt, are hungry, are dying
• Be confident – in the gifts I have been given and in the ways that I may share them
• Be generous  – with my time, with my spirit, with my ideas, with my gifts, with all I have
• Be honest –  because truth has meaning and strength
• Be grateful  – in everything, every day
• Be patient  – with myself and with others, knowing that I am already and always in the perfect moment
• Be of service – because in service we bring our best self
• Be open – to what is available, what is coming,  what is already here, what’s been planned without me
• Be grace , Be abundant, Be joyful  and  BELIEVE    

 

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It’s beginning to FEEL a lot like Christmas…

November 24th, 2012
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As the decorations go up and the commercials begin to air, I ask myself, how will our family celebrate this magical time?

The answer is as it has been for so many years –  we will spend our time together, and where we do give, we will give experiences rather than ‘gifts’; create shared memories for each other.  After all, what we love about the season is the FEELING that surrounds this time; love, friendship, connection, and support.  It’s a time when we see more good, offer more thanks, share more joy.

Ask anyone who celebrates it, about their favourite Christmas memory; it will rarely be the gift that they remember.  It will most often be about coming together, Christmas morning cinnamon buns, laughs with family, children’s excitement, ice skating, bright lights, holiday movies, visits from grandparents, singing carols, decorating the tree, and ‘goodness’. We don’t remember the ‘stuff’, because it doesn’t hold a place of importance in our memory or our hearts.  Sometimes, being present really is the present.

So, if this is true and most people feel this way, why do we still see such a focus on spending more money instead of spending more time, on checking off lists instead of checking in with spirit, on getting more done instead of getting more joy, on connecting with sales instead of connecting with selves, on loving the deals instead of loving each other?

What if instead of writing ‘to do’ and ‘to give’ lists, instead of worrying about finding more time and more money, instead of asking “what do you want for Christmas”,  we asked a different question, “What would LOVE do here?”What if we gave the FEELING of Christmas, in whatever form that comes.

Ask those you care about to share what it is they love about Christmas, their best holiday memories; how they want to feel and how you can GIVE them that feeling.  And, if it really is about the cookies from the oven, make some of your favourite holiday recipes, together.  If it’s about the snow, plan a Christmas lights walking route or strap on some snowshoes for a walk in the woods. If it’s about the sounds of the holiday, listen to a local choir, go the theatre, or sing some carols.  If it’s about the food, share some soup and some recipes.  If it’s about the warmth, chop them some firewood, or find a cozy knitted sweater.  If it’s about the tree, take everyone along with you and go pick out the perfect one together.  If it’s about giving back or paying it forward, ask them what contribution you can make in their name, who they would like you to help.   And, if you already do these things to celebrate the season, do you really need more?

This year, before you get caught up in the madness, in the momentum that is ‘shopping’ I encourage you to take a step back and to pause… and think about who you want to give to and why.  And in most cases, it won’t be what you thought; it will be something that matters more, something that makes a difference, to that one person or to many.  And won’t that turn out to be what Christmas is really all about anyway; GIVING and FEELING the LOVE.

So, this year when someone asks me what I want for Christmas, it will be the same thing I want every year…  I want the FEELING that the season brings, to share the rituals, the traditions, and the celebrations with family and friends.  This year for me, it’s about our son coming home after nearly a year away, it’s the other two kids taking a break from their studies to snowboard or hang out at the house, it’s my husband taking time off from working so hard, it’s my brother and hot cups of tea and good conversation, it’s leisurely reading by the fire, it’s a Christmas tree filled with ornaments that are filled with memories, it’s my mom feeling well and her fabulous mincemeat pies, it’s my newly arrived Swedish nephew learning about Canadian traditions, and it’s the memory of those who are gone but not forgotten.  It’s the FEELING and the SPIRIT of the season, and luckily, it is given freely and wrapped in LOVE♥

Wishing you a wonderful holiday season, however you choose to celebrate.

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GRATEFUL when it’s not so GREAT

October 1st, 2012
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It’s easy to be grateful; when there is money in the bank, the family is healthy, there is food on the table, the sun is shining, the flowers are blooming, the shower water stays hot, and the kids are enjoying school. It can however be a much harder concept to lean into when things are not going so well; when someone you love is dying, the world you know is changing and there is going to be a new normal, one that you can’t quite get your head around or accept. This is precisely the time to get grateful, to recognize the gift in the lesson, and to find the space to give thanks… once you have finished crying that is.

In 1998, having lived on beautiful Vancouver Island less than three years, we got the call; you know the kind of call we all dread.  My mother-in-law, Margaret, had broken her arm, and they had found a tumour and were going to need to operate; it looked like cancer.  Still reeling from having just lost my father-in-law to cancer, a few months before, this was a shock we felt unprepared to handle.  We quickly went from disbelief, into action mode.  We bought the plane tickets, told the children we were going to visit Grandma for two weeks, paid the bills, took vacation time from work, and prepared for the cross country journey to Toronto.  We wore brave faces and made silent deals with whoever was listening.

We arrived to hugs and kisses, and tears.  We made plans to bring Margaret to the Island, to the beautiful healing West Coast,  where she could recover from her grief, and her illness, and continue on the road to wellness.  Our solution was short lived.

Following the surgery, we met with the doctors to discuss Margaret’s prognosis and our idea for West Coast recovery. We heard words such as secondary and primary cancer and then the word ‘terminal’, and we sat quiet, and cried and watched our hopes for healing drift out the open window into an afternoon filled with sunshine, from a room filled with nothing but darkness.

Then we did what we have so often done when facing a life decision, we made a cup of tea and asked ourselves, “What would love do here?” and as always, the answer came immediately; we had to stay, until the end, and help Margaret die.   What now seems like a blur became a flurry of activity, as we set about making our decision happen. We knew it would be difficult – for us, for our children, for my parents living back in our shared house on the Island.  We knew we could lose our jobs, run out of money, and that our children  would need to go to school in a town they barely recognized with children they didn’t know.  But we also knew that we had  love and a strong family on our side and that whatever we were facing could never be as dark as what Margaret was facing, her own end.  What we didn’t yet know was that the next seven months would bring us the most amazing gifts, that we would become less fearful  and more grateful as time went on, and that the lessons would stay with us forever.

As the days  drew in, and we lived our new normal, feelings of gratitude began to grow. Of  course, there were still many tears, but there was also laughter and joy and  smiles along the way, birthday parties, school field trips, family holiday dinners;  the stuff of life. There was tremendous support from new and old friends, and people  rallied to provide.  In the most unlikely  places, we found courage we  lacked, strength we needed, and love, in every  place we looked. We found grace, and more and more, we moved from a place of deep sadness to a place of acceptance, to a place of grace and of thanks. Over a  seven month period, it seemed as though every one and every thing conspired to  help us, to make it easier, to assist us in our journey.  We didn’t get what we wanted, but we were  surrounded with what we needed:

• Our employers out west held our jobs, indefinitely
• Margaret advanced our inheritance so we could pay our mortgage and our bills back home and continue to live in Ontario
• My sister-in-law made room for her mother which meant our family of five could live in Margaret’s house.
• We packed up her household things and sold her house while Margaret concentrated on her health
• My sister-in-law owned a swimming pool – I swam every day after our hospital visits
• The nurses in the Chemotherapy ward allowed me to stay with Margaret all day; I did some typing and filing, played guitar and sang to patients, took lunch orders, read books, delivered milkshakes and fries, and interviewed people about their life’s story and what really matters.
• The local School Board made an exception that allowed all three children to attend the same school and meant our twin boys could stay together in the same kindergarten class.
• We spent time with our two baby nieces and got to know them up close and personal
• Old friends brought bikes, skateboards, summer clothes, toys, books and games to our young children (aged 5, 5, and 9), so they would feel more at home.
• Three amazing women took care of our children after school on the days when Chemo didn’t go so well  – our daughter is still in touch with these angels and their families
• The hospital staff made us feel welcome, and brought us a cot when we needed to stay the night
• We had time to say the important things, and let of go of the less important things
• Our children learned about love, duty, commitment, family, life, death, fear and compassion and grew stronger hearts
• We  came home with no regrets and some amazing memories

So, as we all move forward these many years  later, to prepare for another Thanksgiving weekend without my husband’s mum or dad, we give thanks; for the opportunity to spend that final year with Margaret, for the family that not only stood by us but put their arms around us and surrounded us with love, and for the lessons and gifts along the way that won’t be forgotten and that continue to remind us of what is truly important…our time here together, for however long it lasts.

Happy THANKS GIVING

Gratitude Video

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A Day Well Spent

July 12th, 2012
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My mother  Grace is in her 83^rd year and it would be completely understandable and deserved, if at this age, she chose to spend her days relaxing, napping, or reading for hours.  And, while she does spend some time doing all three, much of her time is spent truly ‘living’; a rich life filled with family, friends, daily activities and evening social events, and opportunities to learn something new.

In the past few weeks, she has:

• Taken a lesson in self massage, played Chinese Mahjong, cleared out closets for charity
• Collected the tickets at the local cinema, read books, and watched TV
• Run errands, grocery shopped, banked, and attended a 50^th and a 90^th birthday party
• Had her monthly massage, line danced, bought some new clothes
• Cut her hair, paid her bills, washed some dishes, spent time at the library
• Said hello to a new baby at her Dedication and said goodbye at three funerals
• Baked her famous scones, written cards, read emails, and sipped coffee with friends
• Enjoyed a reflexology treatment, made dessert, and worked in the garden
• Played with her seven year old granddaughter and Skyped her grandsons in Sweden
• Made us laugh, told us stories and shared her wisdom

My mother has been doing what she has always done; making the very best of every day. She is under no illusions; she recognizes we are all here for a limited time.  She doesn’t take life for granted: she cashes in her reward points right away, buys only ripe bananas, doesn’t waste time, and
says yes more often than no.  She is all about the quality of time spent, not the number of years present.

I have been sharing my heart with Grace for over 51 years and a home for more than 17 and I feel lucky to have learned so many lessons.
When I come to the end and look back, I hope, like Grace, that I too will be able to say “this has been a day well spent and a life well lived.”  

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Finding True NORTH

May 6th, 2012
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What if instead of raising children, we raised them UP – to the light, to stand up and face forward

What if instead of feeling honoured to have them, we felt honoured that they chose us

What if we considered them a gift and a privilege and took our place in line, humbled by their presence

What if instead of looking for ‘teachable’ moments for them, we instead looked for ‘learnable’ moments for us

What if rather than being in charge, we took charge of the best way to help THEM make THEIR own way

What if we were always moving in the same direction, FORWARD, and found a way to travel together

What if we changed the ‘b’ to a ‘y’ and considered it a joy instead of a job

What if we worried more about feeding their spirit and less about what they ate for dinner

What if we could give them what they need so they already had what they want

What if LOVE really is the answer and we have been asking the wrong questions

What if we got out of their way so they could show us what their way looks like

What if we gave them a place to shine instead of standing on their shadow

What if we listened first and then talked

What if we discovered that we’ve been wrong all along…. they didn’t come to us so we could raise them, we came to them, so they could raise us.

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